beautifulmemer | TDM #24

How the hell is it better?! Do you really think it was better for me?

[Okay, yeah, maybe that's selfish, but. He probably didn't know it, but he'd been one of her first friends here. Sam didn't explain that much. She'd been a lot more guarded when she first came to Japan. Thanks, Mom and Dad!]

I doubt it was better for you, either. You fuckin' disappeared!

[For a moment, she stalks over to him, and looks down. And then stops.]

...okay, damn, it's weird to be looking down at you here, again. Years later and I'm still not used to it.

I'm still mad at you, though! I missed you, jerk!

[He folds his arms and he looks annoyed. He doesn't raise his voice, but his expression gets harder. Shinjiro has trouble keeping his anger in check, but... this is Sam. He manages to not snap at her.]

It was better after what happened. I fucked up. There's no taking it back.

[Then -- he cracks a brief smile.]

Not my fault you're making up for being a shorty in the waking world.

[Yeah, he missed her too.]

The hell it was. [That's grumbled beneath her breath, because Sam surely does not believe it, even if it's clear that Shinjiro does. But how could it be better? One less Dreamer? No lack of Nightmares? Disturbances, now?]

Okay. I won't say what happened wasn't fucked up. It absolutely was. I'm not naive enough to deny it. But it wasn't just you! It wasn't all your fault!

[Unspoken: even if you're acting like it is.

She has to snort at his next words. Maybe he's right. Yeah, probably. Not the first time Sam has heard it.]

Yeaaaahhh, I don't have a shrink yet, but even my therapist is having a field day with my Dreamer persona. Things have kind of tanked with my family.

[Probably not that much of a surprise, since there were probably some Stepford vibes when Sam had described them in the past.]

Don't ditch me again. Please?

It's my fault enough by any measure that matters. [It was his fault for losing control and not stopping the Nightmare; it was his fault in the eyes of the woman's family; it was his fault in his own eyes. He lifts his chin, not slouching as much.

He's firm on that point.

Then, though there's a brief smile. It fades when he hears that things went badly with her family. Shinjiro glances to the side.]

...Sorry. Didn't realize about your family.

[There's a moment of hesitation. He puts his hand over his face, for a second, and he exhales into it.] I'm... not gonna keep Dreaming much. It's bad for me. But...

...I'll be around. In Yumemigaoka.

[He can lift his chin at her all he wants. She glares back down at him, but for the moment, she's not going to argue. There'll probably be more time for that later.

Or at least, she hopes there is. If Shinjiro's been in Yumemigaoka all this time, he's been evading her really well.

That hurts. But a smile--a rueful one--still touches her mouth at his apology, and she shrugs.]

I just came back from visiting them in America. I didn't realize I didn't have their approval for what I was doing, either. But, long story short, now I know.

[Sam can't help but frown, but on one hand, she knows about doing things that aren't great for you. Concern crosses her face. She bites her lip, because she wants to protest, but...she doesn't. She'll drop it for now, because she won't drop it in the long run. She's learned to choose her battles.]

Uh. I still work at the DU, but I figure you don't wanna meet up there at all. I need to get in touch with you, awake. Where do you hang out?

[There are places she could offer, but besides the university, most of the other places Sam tends to frequent are lousy with Dreamers, therefore...bad idea.]

[The truth is, after it happened... Shinjiro took off for a year or two. But he doesn't want to bring that up; he hitchhiked across Japan and only used burner phones to dodge everyone who cared about him. He isn't proud of that. He isn't sure he would have done it differently, though.]

Yeah. You know. That lets you decide to keep moving. Just... keep moving.

[It's Shinjiro. He's always going to give advice.

He hesitates for a second, though, at the question. His expression is distant -- he's trying to decide how to phrase this. He's not going to mention where he's staying -- that he's homeless and bounces between a lot of different places -- or the couple of rougher parts of town he hangs out in.]

Yeah. Definitely not the Union. I'm... usually around Yotsuba Park. I'll be there in the afternoon this week. [~~on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays like a real Persona character~~]

[It's probably better that he doesn't. He knows Sam, knows her well enough to know that it's the type of thing that would make her angry. More angry? She's never really been the quiet type when it comes to her opinions.]

I decided not to go back. If they're that ashamed of me, they can pretend I don't exist, and I'll do the same. My brother's always been the golden child, anyway.

[That's decisive. And pretty final, really.]

Okay. Yeah. I'm not back at university yet. I figured I'd go back in the summer or the fall, maybe. I want to make sure I do well in classes and all. So yeah, I can swing by the park some afternoon and look for you. We can do lunch or something. My treat.

[Not that it wouldn't be anyway, but Sam has no idea of what his situation is, right now.]

[This time, Castor looks her in the eye, and gives her a serious nod.] If they're gonna do that shit, you're better off without them.

[And he stands by that.

He tilts his head -- his eyebrow lifts a bit at the mention of not being back in university yet. Not... that he finished school at all. His jobs, at this point, are mostly odd jobs and day jobs. Things where he doesn't need to stay in one place, and things that put his height and his build to good use.

There's a slight smile, though.] All right. And... thanks.

What?

[She does note the lifted brow, and that's why she questions him. Sam wants so dearly to pry, to challenge, to just ask Shinjiro what the hell he's been doing--but this isn't the place. Even with the Nightmare gone, there are probably Torments that'd be only too happy to bother them. Later. He'd said it isn't good for him to be here, and that, at least, will be taken at face value.

That smile makes her heart lurch a little, though.]

And thanks for what? Treating you? I'd do that anyway, you know that. I don't know how many times I have to tell you I missed you to make you believe it.

Still, you're welcome. Always.

It's... nothing.

[Just a reminder that time has passed, and Shinjiro missed a lot of things. Or, rather, he chose to miss a lot of things. That thought still stings. He shifts his posture a little bit.

Then, he hesitates... but there's a slight nod of his head.]

It's... yeah. For treating me. [He's feeling a little awkward, now. He rolls one shoulder, then glances around.] ...We'll catch up. But we should beat it. This place is gonna get dangerous if we stick around too long.

[And he can feel the suppressants acting up, too.]

Yeah. You especially, Mr. "I don't wanna be here."

[Her tone isn't mocking, though. There's a note of genuine concern in it. Sam takes a step closer and slaps him gently in the shoulder. She'd hug him, but--she'll save that for the waking world, she thinks.]

I'll be on the lookout this week for you. And take care of yourself, would you?

[A beat.]

Please?

Yeah. [He cracks a smile at the slap on the shoulder. It's a brief one, though.

Then, Shinjiro nods.]

Yeah. I will.

[As best he can, given everything. Which... isn't all that well. But he doesn't need to say that.]

TDM #24

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